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The war of the Jesus fish is an ever escalating one
Brothers and sisters, there's a battle raging. It's not a battle fought with weapons of mass destruction, Lord save us, and it's not a battle fought in armored personnel carriers.

It is a battle, children, for the hearts -- yea, verily, for the everlasting souls -- of America's trunks and bumpers. It is a battle of words and wills, and fish. Lots and lots of fish.

Hallelujah! Can I get a witness?

"I had a graduate student mention a couple days ago that he'd seen a new one," said Dr. Tom Lessl, a professor of rhetoric at the University of Georgia. "He saw one with a Darwin fish committing a sexual act on a Jesus fish."

Have mercy! The battle, nay, the veritable Fish Wars, have escalated, have detonated, have conflagrated like a shiny metallic supernova. Now, friends, like exiles from the Garden, we long for those innocent days when it was just Jesus fish and Darwin fish....