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Meet Thine Enemy
Rush, to be cured at the hands of hippies.

It’s true that Rush Limbaugh won’t be going through cold, nasty, state-funded drug treatment like his poorer fellow addicts–that is, in the states that still have treatment slots open, as Republicans, spurred by people like Limbaugh and his armies, have consistently put the kibosh on government-funded drug programs. And yes, as a loaded, white alleged buyer of illegal drugs he probably won’t go to jail the way a street addict would, though the maid he allegedly got to buy illegal pain pills for him may be put in the can.

But after researching the place that Limbaugh reportedly checked into for drug treatment, I’m convinced that if the treatment is successful, he could be transformed into a being that is barely recognizable. In this case, that can only be a good thing. After all, if Limbaugh has been on synthetic heroin for years, foaming at the mouth and railing against liberals, a detoxed Limbaugh might be defanged as well. (Makes you wonder what Ann Coulter is on, eh?) That’s not to mention that the treatment center that sources told the New York Post he’s entered is, for him, the belly of the beast.

Previously, Limbaugh put himself into overnight detox–twice, we’re told–at the sterile, business-like, highly secretive Addiction Recovery Institute in Manhattan. The rehab facility he’s rumored to have checked into now for 30 days, Sierra Tucson–which will neither confirm nor deny that Limbaugh has checked in–is just outside of Tucson in the Sonora Desert, a setting with a "quiet beauty, inherent strength, and enduring ability to inspire," as described on the facility’s website. For a guy who has railed against "anti-people New Age mystics," the "treatment modalities" at Sierra Tucson are certainly enough to make his hair stand on end. It’s also likely that Limbaugh is being treated alongside the very Hollywood types he has railed against for years, people who check in to discreet, upscale rehab centers in the desert but tell themselves–and their friends–that they’re doing a spa vacation.

"Sierra Tucson utilizes many different types of therapeutic modalities to access underlying issues," the website of the roughly $1000-a-day treatment center explains. "Each modality is designed to unearth vital information from different angles and pathways into one’s self." (That is all supposed to happen before you head on to the adjoining Miraval Spa, a posh resort and sister company to Sierra Tucson, where you rest up at after you’ve done your 30 days in the treatment center.)

From "psychodynamic role-playing and yoga" to "adventure therapy," "Climbing Wall," "the desert experience" and "equine-assisted therapy" (yes, bonding with horses), Limbaugh may just think he died and went to "feminazi" hell. The website depicts photos of people with a decidedly Berkeley look sitting around on the floor in what seem like consciousness-raising sessions. Picture Rush holding his fellow travelers’ hands and singing Kumbayah. Surely he’ll be reciting a line from the very president he lambasted for years: "I feel your pain." How many on the right would have thought that Bill Clinton would be getting the last chuckle, out there aiding his feminazi wife’s successful political career while their man Rush is wandering the desert reciting New Age mantras? ...