South Park: Episode 709 - Christian Rock Hard
...Butters: Whoa, you sure seem with it, Eric. You must have some... ih-inspiration.
Cartman: Yes, the tears of Kyle Broflovski when he loses his ten dollars to me. [makes changes to the sheet music on the piano's sheet music holder]
Token: [arrives with a bass and a small amplifier] Hey, there was a bass guitar in my basement.
Cartman: I told you, Token.
Token: So, what are we doing?
Cartman: Gentlemen, we are about to embark on the most amazing, life-affirming, financially-windfalling experiences of our young lives.
Butters: Wow!
Cartman: We are going to start... a Christian rock band.
Butters: [his smile vanishes and he slumps in his chair] Awww.
Token: [moves towards the front door] I'm out. [picks up his amp]
Cartman: Wait! [Token stops, Cartman rushes over] Walk out that door, Token, and you'll regret it the rest of your life! Christians have a built-in audience of over one hundred and eighty million Americans! If each one of them buys just one of our albums at twelve dollars and ninety-five cents that would be- [points to Butters]
Butters: Two billion, three hundred and thirty one million dollars.
Cartman: Still want to leave, Token? [Token thinks a bit, then resumes his place] Thank you....
...A mansion, somewhere, day. The agent has taken the boys for a ride and arrived here. He leads them to the main gate]
Detective: This is the home of Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica. [they approach a bush] Look. There's Lars now, sitting by his pool. [he's seen sitting on the edge of a chaise longue, his face in his hands, softly sobbing]
Kyle: What's the matter with him?
Detective: This month he was hoping to have a gold-plated shark tank bar installed right next to the pool, but thanks to people downloading his music for free, he must now wait a few months before he can afford it. [a close-up of Lars sobbing] Come. There's more. [leads them away. Next seen is a small airport at night] Here's Britney Spears' private jet. Notice anything? [a shot of Britney boarding a plane, then stopping to look at it before entering] Britney used to have a Gulfstream IV. Now she's had to sell it and get a Gulfstream III because people like you chose to download her music for free. [Britney gives a heavy sigh and goes inside.] The Gulfstream III doesn't even have a remote control for its surround-sound DVD system. Still think downloading music for free is no big deal?
Kyle: We... didn't realize what we were doing, eh...
Detective: That is the folly of man. Now look in this window. [they are at another mansion, and they look inside a picture window] Here you see the loving family of Master P. [He's shown tossing a basketball to his wife while his kid tries to catch it] Next week is his son's birthday and, all he's ever wanted was an island in French Polynesia. [his mom lowers the ball and gives it to the boy, who smiles, picks it up and drops it. It rolls away and he goes after it]
Kyle: So, he's gonna get it, right?
Detective: I see an island without an owner. If things keep going the way they are, the child will not get his tropical paradise.
Stan: [apologetically] We're sorry! We'll, we'll never download music for free again!
Detective: [somberly, dramatically] Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else... I fear... recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury....
