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PRESIDENT BUSH'S EVEN-TEMPERED RESPONSE TO EGREGIOUSLY SLANDEROUS IRAQ CRITICISM FROM SENATOR TED "PINKO HOOKER MURDERER" KENNEDY

Press Briefing by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Though I usually make it a point not to sully the sanctity of the Lord's Day by addressing the press, today I'm pulling myself away from my sixteen-hour DirecTV® NFL Sunday TicketTM to briefly make an exception. You see, late last week Senator Ted Kennedy – that gasping pigbeast king of the liberals – launched a vicious and baseless attack against yours truly. And while I won't validate his traitorous remarks by repeating them, suffice it say that Ted has dared to suggest that my facts-free fixation on toppling Saddam Hussein had anything to do with anything other than... um... like, you know, that whole "freedom" thingy people seem to clap for whenever my speech writers have me talk about it every ten minutes....