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U.S. Department of Faith Proposal to Amend United States Constitution to Conform to Biblical Principles Regarding Marriage

Jerry Falwell recently announced that he will devote the rest of his life to advocating a Constitutional amendment banning marriage between people of the same gender. Needless to say, the White House Department of Faith supports Mr. Falwell's desire to impose Biblical edicts on Americans of all faiths by converting the Constitution from a document that restricts the power of government into one that limits the so-called freedom of individuals. But the Department of Faith remains concerned about Mr. Falwell's apparent infatuation with homosexuals. The Bible is replete with verses that condemn all but the most devout of Christians (i.e., Landover Baptist tithers) and that restrict marriage in many other ways. Because the current administration is committed to the entire Bible (and is not merely obsessed with men licking each other, as Mr. Falwell apparently is), the Department of Faith has delivered to the President and each member of the U.S. Senate and House the following proposal to incorporate Biblical restrictions on marriage into our Godly nation's otherwise embarrassingly flawed Constitution. (In addition to the proposed amendments identified below, the Department of Faith has also urged each legislator to support repeal of the First Amendment so there is no conflict between the Satanic "separation of church and state" and the amendments below.)...