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Southern Baptists launch pre-emptive strikes against Assemblies of God
NASHVILLE — Citing a "gathering threat to our membership," the Southern Baptist Convention Sunday launched pre-emptive strikes on rival Assembly of God mega-churches in the South, leaving charred ruins where church signs and marquees once stood. Hours later, the SBC issued a statement justifying the unilateral action.

"Hostilities will escalate unless we get inspectors in there to see which of our members were stolen away by this flaky Pentecostal nonsense," says one SBC official....