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At Soaring Dove Christian Hub

The mingling commenced. The singles group weekly meeting had just concluded at Soaring Dove Christian Hub.

Pastor Kent Gulch's theological wanderings and melodramatic appeals for purity gave way to a frenzy of flirting, date requests, and intermittent social awkwardness. Mate prospecting was underway as Aubrey Pickett sat alone in the midst of nearly 100, still warmed, metal folding chairs. Aubrey reflected on how he had mined this stream every week for a year and had only come up with fool's gold. What he really wanted was Judith Maxley. She was the motherlode.

Men surrounded Judith in the same way that driftwood washes up against the shore of a lighthouse. Judith was a slender, curvaceous, long-legged brunette. Cleavage was her friend. Her revealing sundresses were infamous (or famous depending on your gender). No other 20-year-old girl said "Yes" as pleasantly as Judith Maxley did.

For Aubrey to be successful in his conquest of Judith, he would have to separate himself from the rest of the flotsam. He knew that he wasn't the wittiest of men, nor the most insightful. He wasn't the strongest or the most handsome. He had long heard, "You are God's unique and special creation!" Aubrey mused, "If that's true, then God's expertise is in mediocrity."

It would take a Man to capture Judith. She had only remained available due to the fact that churches were full of bland, emasculated males and the Promise Keepers just kept making things worse. Since Christianity had not provided an avenue for a man to be ruggedly virile, social position was the only hope for Aubrey to get Judith's attention. As with any organization, those with a high position had prestige.

No one had a higher position or more prestige in the singles group than Pastor Kent, which was very advantageous for him, being that he was also young and single. He controlled the game with the absolute authority of a referee who had no threat of being overruled by instant replay. He was especially adept at finding moral fault with certain relationships in order to make available a woman he wanted to date. He was the first to be a fan of Judith Maxley's virtues. Unbeknownst to Aubrey, Kent was also the first to notice him staring at Judith longingly like a sick calf.

For Aubrey, the road to social status went through Kent. Becoming a member of the leadership team was earned through rigorous spiritual exercise. Most notably, taking Kent out to lunch and telling him how eternally valuable his activities were. The World called such activity "sucking up." Those who knew the Lord called it "Spiritual Growth." Of course, it was the Holy Spirit who provided the open door to callous political maneuvers. ...